#9 Another Happiness Post

Hey you guys!

Soooo I’m back with the 30 days writing challenge. I know I know, it’s not really 30 days challenge as I dont post regularly hahaha. Today’s theme is about happiness. Again. Well, the previous one was actually about things that make me happy which turned into a question what actually makes me happy.

So, just recently, a best friend of mine talked to me about her feeling unhappy with her life. I know her stories and why she is not happy. Many of my friends like to tell me their stories and why they are unhappy (or even happy). Some of them talked about their family which got me thinking about mine.

You see, I went to see a psychologist earlier this year because I felt, for quite some times, something is not right with me but I cant figure out what and why. If you check my older post about it, I talked about my toxic relationship with my ex. But another thing that the psychologist mentioned was about how I felt neglected when I was a kid. I was very surprised when she mentioned that because what I remember is that I have a really happy childhood and I am very fond of the memories. I got really defensive of course. How could this person who just met me attack my parents like that? Yea, I felt that she attacked my parents who tried their best to raise me and my brother. They love me. How could she?

Then she explained to me that it was not their intention to neglect me, emotionally. I might look at it just fine when I was a kid but deep down I wanted more. I don’t like being touched or touch other people. It bothers me until now. It gets better but still bother me. She mentioned that my “love tank” in the section of physical touch could be lacking when I was a kid. So I dont like physical contact that much and found it to be weird. Dont get me wrong, I still hold my parents hand and acted like a kid sometimes when I am around them like asking my dad to give me a piggy back ride (oh wow poor you Dad, I’m sorry I know I am heavy). But I dont hug or kiss my parents. I do, rarely.

Another thing is that my ex and my family said that I could be very distant or emotionally unavailable. To be honest, I dont feel that way but some people said so. I just need my space I guess. I just like being left alone sometimes or most of the times, depending on my mood or life situation. The psychologist said that these things could happen because both of my parents were working and I was left at home with 2 housekeepers and my brother. So I didnt get to see them very often and hang out with them.

Another thing is that, my parents tend to portray me as an independent child ever since I was a kid. I rarely cried when I was hurt like when I fell from bike, I always do everything myself, I never cried or whined when I was sick etc. I dont know whether it’s just me being me or it’s because how they portray me so now I am like this. Because I am used to do everything by myself, it is very hard for me to actually ask for help. My colleagues tend to said this to me: if you’re overwhelmed or tired or whatever, you do realise that you can ask for help right? Dont do everything by your own, you’ll get exhausted. Again, the psychologist also mentioned that this could happen because of my childhood.

I spent couple of months, even after I was back in Germany, thinking about what she said and still rejecting it. I dont want anyone to blame my parents and attack them of who I am. It is not their fault.

Then after talking to my psychologist again, I realised that it IS not their fault. It is no one’s fault. They dont mean it to harm me or neglect me. They are trying their best. They love me and my brother and have our best interests in mind. But no one is perfect, they might make some mistakes that they dont realise. We all do. They don’t fail me, but it’s just apparently my kid-self want something more and feel like it was not enough. I know there are some toxic parents (or children) out there but my parents are not.

So, was I happy during my childhood? Yes. Definitely.

Cheers,

Kemmy

#5 “How I Met” Your Mother/Father

Hey you guys!

Soooo the fifth day theme is about my parents. Ohohoho how should I start this story

Weeell, so a little background about my parents. My dad is Javanese and he lived in his hometown (more like a village) until umm I dont know how old he is when he left to Jakarta. So yea basically that. My mom is from Padang BUT she never lived there, instead she lived umm in well let’s say surrounding area of Jakarta because she moved for times to times. That’s because my grandfather (her dad) was a soldier. So yea, she’s Minang (ethnic group native to the Minangkabau Highlands of West Sumatra) but not really a Minang, if that makes sense. I meant she cant even speak the language hahaha.

My parents age gap is quite big, I think it’s 7 or 8 years. And today I am going to tell you a story about how they met but not really met though umm more like their dating story, which sometimes I find quite weird, funny but cute? I guess? Or not?

Sooo anywaaay… I still remember very well when my mother said that my father asked if she wanted to hang out with him. Then, she came to visit my dad at his college and they went to eat meatballs soup (I think it’s considered as a streetfood in Indonesia). They paid separately and then my dad told my mom that he is going to class and so he left her. Then she came back home by public transport. My dad is so not romantic, at all hahahahha. When my mom told my brother and I, we were really confused: why are you dating him again? In Indonesia, we have this word called bucin and it literally means love slave. So yea basically a fool for love. Yes, you can imagine that we teased her bucin all day long afterwards.

There was also this time when we went to a restaurant for lunch together. On our way back home, we passed this nice housing complex near the restaurant and my dad giggled a little and said

“my ex used to live here *giggle*”

and then my mom said “OH! I REMEMBER HER! YOUR DAD WAS SO AWFUL!”

my brother and I were confused “okay… so what happened? And dad, you used to date a rich woman and you married mom? (this is just a joke between us guys, chill)”

“So there was this time when your dad brought me to this place to visit someone. This girl was there and I had no clue your dad was dating her. Well I dont know if they were still dating or not to be honest but yea basically they had something. I was clueless”

“Oh mom… and dad, dammit what a sly”

So basically from the stories that I heard, my mom is basically bucin and my dad is… sly? Jesus, this post made my dad looked awful, isnt it? I guess I would describe my dad during his younger times iseng (doing something mischievous with simple intention to annoy others, basically to annoy my mom).

Okay one last story about my parents but this one is after they got married. I heard this story from my aunt and this is a story during their newlywed period. You see, my mom is not a good cook. We had a maid when I was a kid until ummm before I started working? I guess 3-4 years ago? So yea. My mom, being a bucin newlywed, initiated to go to a traditional market to buy groceries. (My dad is the one who usually buy stuffs, yes, until now)

“So where’s the shrimp?”

“There is no shrimp at the market?”

“What? How come? That cant be. Did you go the the usual place that I told you?”

“Yes but I swear there is no shrimp”

“I dont belive you. Lets go there again”

And so they went to the market. “See, they are selling shrimp!”

“But… it’s grey. Shrimp is supposed to be red”

“…………… It is red when you cook them”

I swear I can imagine my dad’s reaction when my mom said that ahhahahah oh good lord.

Well, those are some stories of my dad and mom in their younger days. They are not the sweet cute couple in my eyes. But they are more like ummm I dont know comedy duo? My dad likes to tease and joke about my mom while my mom is a slave love who are getting “bullied” by my dad (and her kids). Oh… I see where my “bully-able” trait comes from… (not getting bullied guys, but my friends love to tease me because of my reactions).

Oh well. I guess every couple is different right? And this is my parents dating/married style I guess

Cheers,

Kemmy