Hey you guys!
Again, I didnt post anything for my 30 days writing challenge hahaha dammit Kemmy. Well sorry, I was too tired to write anything as I went to Berlin 2 days ago and came back at the same day. Dammit it was tiring and I got stye so my eye was really hurting. Oh man, I was in such a badmood because I was really tired and well, my eye was really hurting. I felt bad because I went there with my friends and they tried to make me talk laugh etc but I just didnt respond. What an annoying person, Kem.
Alright anyway, lets talk about post #6 shall we?
So, the theme is “single and happy.” Well, I dont really want to get too personal on this post but this post will definitely get personal. Oh wow, opening up to people on the internet. Anyway I did post something on my past relationship before if you’re interested, just click here.
Sooo, to be honest I dont really get it why some people feel embarrassed or sad about being single for a long time or never had one. I mean, why should you? Well, December is coming closer and it would be my 7th year of being single. My past relationship was my first and at the moment, still my very recent one (7 years? Recent? Really Kem?). I used to celebrate the day that I broke up with my ex (as my older post has mentioned). Apart from being diagnosed to have this trauma that I need to address, I am pretty happy with my life and the decision that I made almost 7 years ago.
My past relationship was not the best and I wont go into detail on it. After I broke up with him, I felt… free? I guess that’s the best word to describe how I felt. I always felt like I was trapped when I was still with him. I had to put him as my priority, always. I could not even spend my times with my friends without a guilt trip from him. When we had a fight or when I said that I want to break up, he threatened me to kill himself. Awesome. I was really scared he will actually do that.
But I think what made me sad was that he could not celebrate my achievement with me. Instead, he liked to put me down. For instance, I just got accepted for an exchange with AIESEC. I was really happy about that and I told him about that. His response?
“So you choose to go to somewhere else for your winter break instead of spending time with me? Wow unbelievable”
Greaaaaatt. Guilt trip journey, once again.
Or… when I managed to get a good grade after I put a lot of effort for the exam
“Oh? That’s nothing. I managed to get better when I was in high school and I didnt really put any effort on that subject”
He is 2 years older than me and we went to different school. Mind you, the subject that I aced was not even the same subject that he bragged. Why cant you just be happy with me though? Why it’s always about you? Why you have to do me like this? I guess those are what I want to say to him.
So yeah, after I broke up with him I finally feel like I was free. I tried so hard to impress him because he liked to put me down and it was really tiring to have a relationship with someone who well… thinks that everything revolves around him. So now here I am. Being single for almost 7 years.
Am I happy? Yes, of course I am.
But 7 years? Really, Kem?
Yes. 7 years. And I dont see any problem with that. I am not ready for a new one for now and I dont think jumping to a new relationship while I am not ready is a good decision. Not only I will hurt myself, but also my partner. Though I only have one past relationship, it actually taught me a lot of things. And from that experience, I learned that I should not rush things. If it meant to be then it will happen. I know that everyone has their own baggages that they carry but I, at least, want to leave one baggage before I jump into a new relationship. Simple, I just want to be able to talk or mention about my ex and my past relationship with him without feeling any outburst of negative emotions. Dont get me wrong though, despite everything he did to me I have never wished him hell (get the reference? Please say you do) and I have never stalked him on social media. Not even once. He has his own life and I have my own and that’s that. I genuinely cared about him as well, so if anything I do wish him all the best in life.
Soooo to conclude this post, once again I just wanna say: I have been single for almost 7 years and I am so damn happy about it.